In the old days, men would need to capture pigeons and train them for years before they could even consider delivering a message farther away than half a day’s mule ride. Pigeons, as we all know, are brutish, vicious, murderous things, and the work was unpleasant at best.

Today, thanks to the wonders of modern technology, men and their genetic cousins women can communicate by means of a series of interconnected lights and sounds called “the Online.” Truly we have entered “the pigeon-less age.”