In the old days, men would need to capture pigeons and train them for years before they could even consider delivering a message farther away than half a day’s mule ride. Pigeons, as we all know, are foul, vicious, murderous things, and the work was unpleasant.

Today, thanks to the wonders of modern technology, men and their genetic cousins, women, can communicate by means of a series of tubes called the Inter-Web. Truly we have entered, as the wise say, “the pigeon-less age.”